Coming out...

I just got off the phone with a reporter, Laura Vanderkam. She was from Scientific American. In high school I was a finalist in a prestigious science competition. Laura writes a column called "Where Are They Now" profiling former finalists in the competition.

During our conversation I talked extensively about my struggles with bipolar disorder and the effect it has had on my graduate career (it's going to take 7 years for me to graduate). I wanted to do this because I think that there is still a stigma associated with bipolar disorder. We have come a long way, but there's still further to go.

Particularly in the "publish or perish" world of academia, where you are expected to "pull yourself up by the bootstraps," such an illness can be seen as a weakness. In fact, after sharing my plans of pursuing an academic career, one of my committee members asked if I thought I could handle the pressure of academia given my "condition." Would this same question have been asked if I was diagnosed with cancer as apposed to a mental illness?

Although I say I want to be a champion of the cause of mental health awareness, it's very risky to do so at this stage in my career. I don't want to be branded as "the bipolar grad student," but rather want to be evaluated on the merit of my scientific accomplishments. I have already lost friends as a result of this disease, I don't want to lose my career too.

I should have thought of this before I gave the interview...but what is done is done and I can't take it back...I guess I will officially be "out" about having bipolar disorder, and now must deal with the consequences, whatever they may be.